Episode 83 – Naming the Heavy Expectations with Amy Bonsall
So much of what feels heavy… isn’t actually the workload.
It’s the expectations we’re carrying—often without even realizing it.
In this episode of De-Stress the Nest, Hannah Morgan talks with Amy Bonsall, founder of Light Actions, about what it means to name the heavy expectations out loud—and why doing so can immediately reduce their impact.
Amy shares how expectations—whether from work, culture, or ourselves—can quietly shape how we show up. By simply saying them out loud and asking “says who?”, we can start to reclaim control and redefine what actually works for us.
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed but couldn’t quite explain why, this episode will help you identify what’s underneath—and give you permission to let some of it go.
Key Takeaways
Naming expectations reduces their weight: Saying them out loud makes them visible—and gives you back choice.
Most expectations are internal: Many of the pressures we feel are self-imposed or inherited, not explicitly required.
Ask “says who?”: Questioning the source helps you decide whether an expectation is worth keeping.
Awareness creates control: Once you recognize the expectation, you can choose how to respond.
Comparison fuels pressure: Especially in entrepreneurship, your internal narrative can become the loudest source of expectations.
You define “enough”: Align expectations with your values—not external noise.
Quotes
“Saying the expectation out loud softens it. Once it’s visible, you have choices again.”
“That’s a heavy expectation.”
“Once I started looking for heavy expectations, I saw them everywhere.”
“Most of the heavy expectations in my world are created by me.”
“Ask yourself: says who?”
Resources Mentioned
Light Actions– Amy Bonsall’s coaching and consulting work focused on leadership and AI
Heron House Management– Virtual house management for busy families: we handle your to-dos so you can focus on what matters most.
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This episode of De-Stress the Nest is sponsored by Heron House Management. Learn more at www.heronhousemanagement.com.
About Heron House Management:
Heron House Management is a virtual house management service that takes the stress out of your busy life by taking on your mental load and managing your To Do list. We provide fractional virtual house management for busy families at 10, 15 and 20+ hours/month.
Meal planning, signing up for kids activities, scheduling doctor's appointments, finding a house cleaner, planning your kid's birthday party, getting quotes for that home renovation project, or scheduling a monthly date night with your significant other and so much more. We do it all!
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[00:00:02] Hannah Morgan:
Welcome to De-Stress the Nest, a podcast for busy parents where experts share bite-sized tips on how to create systems that minimize stress at home. I’m your host, Hannah Morgan.[00:00:14] Hannah Morgan:
Today’s episode is sponsored by Heron House Management, the first-ever virtual house management service that lightens your mental load by handling your to-do list with monthly subscriptions of 10, 15, and 20+ hours per month. From meal planning and doctor’s appointments to birthday parties and home projects, Heron House Management helps busy families reclaim their time and live their best lives. Learn more at heronhousemanagement.com.[00:00:40] Hannah Morgan:
Amy, I'm so excited to have you on the show today. Welcome. Why don't we start by hearing a little bit about who you are and what you do?[00:00:50] Amy Bonsall:
Thank you, I'm delighted to be here. My name is Amy Bonsall, and I'm the founder of Light Actions. I coach leaders and consult with companies to get real value out of AI, and my whole career has come back to one question: how do you move when the picture isn't clear yet?[00:01:10] Amy Bonsall:
My past started in engineering, then I spent nearly a decade at IDEO, working with companies like Google, Adobe, John Deere, and Headspace.[00:01:28] Amy Bonsall:
After that, I led new ventures at Old Navy, and now I run my own business.[00:01:36] Hannah Morgan:
And Amy is actually the genius behind inclusive sizing at Old Navy, which we love! We stand for Amy and her inclusivity, so that's great. Thanks so much for joining us today, Amy.[00:01:50] Hannah Morgan:
So, Amy, on today's episode, you're going to be digging in with us on naming the heavy expectation out loud, so let's talk about it.[00:02:00] Amy Bonsall:
When my boss says we need productivity gains with AI, how does that feel? It feels heavy. Or if I expect family dinners to be meaningful every night—that's also heavy. Saying it out loud softens it, and once it's visible, you have choices again.[00:02:30] Hannah Morgan:
I love this, and I actually learned recently that when you name the emotion that you're feeling, it reduces the impact of it because you're regaining control. I've never thought about applying that to expectations, though. How did you come to this realization?[00:02:55] Amy Bonsall:
It actually came from a funny story. A friend told me about a first date where someone said they wanted to have a baby within a year. And I thought—wow, that's a heavy expectation. And then I realized we do this to ourselves and to other people all the time.[00:03:20] Hannah Morgan:
Where do you see these expectations showing up? Because I immediately think about working women trying to be all things to all people.[00:03:40] Amy Bonsall:
All of the above—work, culture, family. But most of the time, they're internal. They're things we’ve absorbed from how we were raised or what we think is right. Naming them helps you pause and decide how you want to handle them.[00:04:15] Hannah Morgan:
I feel like you've unlocked this whole corner of my brain. Just naming expectations makes me realize how much of this narrative is actually within our control.[00:04:40] Amy Bonsall:
Same. Once I started noticing them, I saw them everywhere. And most of mine were created by me. So I started asking myself a simple question when I notice one:[00:05:30] Amy Bonsall:
“Says who?”[00:05:35] Amy Bonsall:
I’m supposed to do this… says who? Leaders are supposed to wake up at a certain time… says who?[00:05:50] Hannah Morgan:
We don’t all do our best work at 5am, sorry.[00:06:05] Amy Bonsall:
Exactly. As soon as something feels like a constraint, naming it and questioning it gives you freedom to decide what works for you.[00:06:25] Hannah Morgan:
I’m thinking about this in corporate versus entrepreneurship. In corporate, expectations come from others, but as an entrepreneur, it’s mostly internal.[00:06:50] Amy Bonsall:
Yes, managing your internal voice becomes everything. One thing that helps me is writing down three things I did well and three things I’ll do next to move forward.[00:07:20] Hannah Morgan:
Otherwise you start comparing yourself to others, which is a losing game.[00:07:40] Amy Bonsall:
Exactly. It’s about defining success for yourself.[00:08:00] Hannah Morgan:
We’re not going for perfection—we’re going for autonomy over our narrative.[00:08:20] Amy Bonsall:
Yes—and there’s this idea of “sludge,” these invisible expectations people place on you.[00:08:45] Amy Bonsall:
Even something like working remotely used to carry judgment because of those expectations.[00:09:05] Hannah Morgan:
I’m so curious how that’s shifted now, especially with return-to-office culture.[00:09:20] Hannah Morgan:
This is such a paradigm shift. I know it will be for our listeners too.[00:09:35] Amy Bonsall:
My pleasure.[00:09:50] Hannah Morgan:
Thanks for listening to De-Stress the Nest, the podcast where experts share bite-sized tips on how to minimize stress at home. Don’t forget to subscribe and tune in every Tuesday for more ways to simplify your life.
