Episode 81 – leaning on your village with alex rutkay
Most of us say we want a village… but are we actually using it?
In this episode of De-Stress the Nest, Hannah Morgan is joined by Alex Rutkay, founder of City Mouse, to talk about what it really means to lean on your village — not just build one.
Alex shares her personal experience navigating early motherhood, health challenges, and life without nearby family — and how those moments forced her to ask for help in ways she never had before. Together, Hannah and Alex unpack the guilt that often comes with receiving support, and why learning to accept help is just as important as offering it.
If you’ve ever struggled to ask for help or felt like you “should” be able to do it all yourself, this episode will feel like a breath of fresh air.
Key Takeaways
Having a village is only half the equation: You also have to be willing to use it.
Guilt can block support: Many parents struggle to ask for help because they don’t want to feel like a burden.
People want to help — but need direction: Clear, specific requests make it easier for others to show up meaningfully.
Support strengthens relationships: Letting people help you creates deeper connection and trust.
Your village can look different: Friends, neighbors, and even paid support (like childcare) can all be part of your village.
Asking for help is a skill: It takes practice, communication, and vulnerability.
Quotes
“What’s the point of having a village if you’re not going to use it?”
“People inherently want to help.”
“I had to learn to accept help with open arms.”
“We have to be better at asking for what we need.”
“It’s not a burden — it’s connection.”
“Your village can include people you hire, too.”
Resources Mentioned
Heron House Management– Virtual house management for busy families: we handle your to-dos so you can focus on what matters most.
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This episode of De-Stress the Nest is sponsored by Heron House Management.
About Heron House Management:
Heron House Management is a virtual house management service that takes the stress out of your busy life by taking on your mental load and managing your To Do list. We provide fractional virtual house management for busy families at 10, 15 and 20+ hours/month.
Meal planning, signing up for kids activities, scheduling doctor's appointments, finding a house cleaner, planning your kid's birthday party, getting quotes for that home renovation project, or scheduling a monthly date night with your significant other and so much more. We do it all!
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00:00
Hannah Morgan: Welcome to De-Stress the Nest, a podcast for busy parents where experts share bite-sized tips on how to create systems that minimize stress at home. I’m your host, Hannah Morgan.00:14
Hannah Morgan: Today’s episode is sponsored by Heron House Management, the first-ever virtual house management service that lightens your mental load by handling your to-do list with monthly subscriptions of 10, 15, and 20+ hours per month. From meal planning and doctor’s appointments to birthday parties and home projects, Heron House Management helps busy families reclaim their time and live their best lives. Learn more at heronhousemanagement.com.00:44
Hannah Morgan: Alex, I’m so excited to have you on the show today. We actually connected through TikTok, which is such a fun way to build community.01:02
Hannah Morgan: Tell us a little about who you are and what you do.01:18
Alex Rutkay: I’m a mom, entrepreneur, and founder of City Mouse, and I also work as a celebrity makeup artist.01:36
Hannah Morgan: Today we’re talking about what it means to lean on your village.01:52
Hannah Morgan: We talk a lot about building a village — but what about actually using it?02:08
Alex Rutkay: That’s the biggest challenge. People want a village, but struggle to actually utilize it.02:24
Alex Rutkay: There’s often guilt around asking for help.02:40
Alex Rutkay: Whether it’s childcare or emotional support, it can feel like you’re burdening others.02:56
Alex Rutkay: But what’s the point of having a village if you don’t use it?03:12
Hannah Morgan: It’s so much easier to give help than to ask for it.03:28
Hannah Morgan: But we’re not meant to do this alone.03:44
Hannah Morgan: What did that look like for you personally?04:00
Alex Rutkay: I didn’t have family nearby, and early motherhood was really isolating.04:16
Alex Rutkay: I also went through health challenges that forced me to ask for help.04:32
Alex Rutkay: I had to let go of doing everything myself.04:48
Alex Rutkay: And I realized people truly want to show up for you.05:04
Alex Rutkay: Accepting help actually strengthened my relationships.05:20
Hannah Morgan: And it allows others to support you in meaningful ways.05:36
Hannah Morgan: But you also have to communicate what you need.05:52
Alex Rutkay: Exactly — people can’t guess.06:08
Alex Rutkay: Being specific about what helps makes a huge difference.06:24
Alex Rutkay: For me, that looked like asking for meals and childcare.06:40
Hannah Morgan: And those are incredibly meaningful ways people can show up.06:56
Alex Rutkay: And it deepens the connection when they do.07:12
Hannah Morgan: Do you feel like it changed how you show up for others?07:28
Alex Rutkay: Completely. I now try to support others in the same ways.07:44
Alex Rutkay: Things like meal delivery, childcare, or practical help.08:00
Hannah Morgan: Those are the things that actually make a difference.08:16
Alex Rutkay: And you don’t always know that until you’ve lived it.08:32
Hannah Morgan: Such a great reminder.08:48
Hannah Morgan: Thank you so much for sharing this.09:00
Alex Rutkay: Thank you for having me.09:08
Hannah Morgan: Thanks for listening to De-Stress the Nest, the podcast where experts share bite-sized tips on how to minimize stress at home. Don’t forget to subscribe and tune in every Tuesday for more ways to simplify your life.
