Episode 47: Fostering True Connection in Your Marriage with Michelle Purta
After kids, it’s easy for romance to give way to responsibility — but connection doesn’t have to disappear. In this episode, host Hannah Morgan chats with marriage coach Michelle Purta about how to rebuild emotional intimacy and strengthen your marriage in the thick of parenthood. Michelle, a mom of three and coach for couples, shares how small daily moments — not just big date nights — can reignite the spark and bring couples back to feeling like teammates instead of roommates.
Whether you’re in a season of disconnection or just want to be more intentional, this conversation offers real-world tips and encouragement for making your marriage feel easier, lighter, and more fulfilling.
Key Takeaways
Don’t wait for “someday” — connection can start today
Micro-moments of connection are the foundation of strong marriages
You don’t need weekly date nights to stay close
Knowing your partner’s love language is a game changer
A solid marriage makes family life smoother, calmer, and more joyful
Quotes
“Your marriage is the foundation of your family.”
“Connection doesn’t have to be big — it has to be consistent.”
“If all you talk about is logistics, your relationship becomes a business.”
“Date night is what you make of it — even a Costco run can count.”
“When you nurture your marriage, everything else gets easier.”
Resources Mentioned
Michelle Purta Coaching – Marriage coaching for moms who want more connection, better communication, and a happier partnership without constant fighting or feeling like roommates.
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Heron House Management – Virtual house management for busy families — we handle your to-dos so you can focus on what matters most.
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This episode of De-Stress the Nest is sponsored by Heron House Management.
About Heron House Management:
Heron House Management is a virtual house management service that takes the stress out of your busy life by taking on your mental load and managing your To Do list. We provide fractional virtual house management for busy families at 10, 15 and 20+ hours/month.
Meal planning, signing up for kids activities, scheduling doctor's appointments, finding a house cleaner, planning your kid's birthday party, getting quotes for that home renovation project, or scheduling a monthly date night with your significant other and so much more. We do it all!
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[00:02] Hannah Morgan: Welcome to De-Stress the Nest, a podcast for busy parents where experts share bite-sized tips on how to create systems that minimize stress at home. I'm your host, Hannah Morgan.
[00:12] Hannah Morgan: Today’s episode is sponsored by Heron House Management — the first-ever virtual house management service that lightens your mental load by handling your to-do list with monthly subscriptions of 10, 15, and 20+ hours per month. From meal planning and doctor’s appointments to birthday parties and home projects, Heron House Management helps busy families reclaim their time and live their best lives. Learn more at heronhousemanagement.com.
[00:53] Hannah Morgan: Hey Michelle, I’m so excited to have you on the show today. Let’s start by hearing a little bit more about who you are and what you do.
[00:59 Michelle Purta: Thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to be here. Hi everyone. I’m a mom of three — my first one is actually my stepson — and I’m happily married to my husband. I’m a marriage coach, so I love to help my couples and moms have the marriage they really saw for themselves when they said “I do.” I know just how much things can change after you have kids, or even just one kid. Things seem to go from romance to responsibility. Communication breaks down, resentment starts to increase, and next thing you know, you feel like you’re roommates wondering, “Do I even like you anymore?”
[01:42] Hannah Morgan: Michelle, I’m so excited to learn more about fostering connection and what you can do to deal with a disconnect in your relationship. So let’s talk about it.
[01:51] Michelle Purta: Yeah, so we’re all very familiar — if you have kids, you know there are times when you don’t feel as connected, or maybe you’re in that phase of life where it’s not getting any better, and you don’t know when it will. Maybe you’re hoping, “Oh, once the kids get older, once they move out, or once they become more independent, things will get better.” That’s one of the biggest pitfalls of couples once they have kids: the assumption that once this happens, then we’ll have more time to go on dates, have full conversations, have fun, etc.
[02:32] Michelle Purta: Why? Because we’re so busy thinking about all the responsibilities that need to be done. Back to a couple episodes ago where I shared how you have to love yourself most — this is necessary to embody to have the connection you want with your spouse. For me, in my hierarchy it’s love yourself most, then your marriage, then your kids. This does not apply if your marriage is toxic and abusive — just want to say that. When you have a solid foundation, which is your marriage, your family will be good. But when that foundation is shaky — when you’re just operating in the business of living together and raising kids — there’s nothing gluing you except circumstances. So you have to nurture your marriage even when it feels like you don’t have time for it.
[03:35] Michelle Purta: You can do this by being intentional in little moments of your day-to-day life. It doesn’t have to be going on a date every single day or even every week. I’m a marriage coach and I don’t go on dates every week. Do I wish I could? Absolutely. But we just don’t have childcare, so we make it work in little ways — micro connection moments and macro connection.
[04:08] Michelle Purta: Macro connection is what people typically think of when they feel disconnected: dates, vacations, big moments. But it’s the micro connections that bridge the gap between those macro moments. Micro connections are checking in on each other daily, genuinely showing care, doing nice things, listening, being affectionate, speaking each other’s love language. If you don’t know your love languages, I urge you to figure them out. It’s a game changer — true efficiency in loving your person.
[04:53] Michelle Purta: When we’re connected, communication goes better. Think back to your last fight — you were probably not feeling connected at that time. When disconnected, fights escalate and we demonize each other quickly. But when connected, you feel more like a team, more patient, compassionate, empathetic, and willing to understand each other better.
[05:59] Michelle Purta: When disconnected, we write off each other, assume the worst, and get frustrated. But if you’re intentional about connection — even in small moments like trips to Costco — you can turn those into dates. A date is what you make it. It’s about how you’re being with your partner, not just what you’re doing. Are you holding hands? Talking? Or is it just logistics — “Who’s picking up the kids?” “Who’s cooking dinner?” If it’s only logistics, make time for other things. It’s worth the effort. Dates and connection have a residual positive impact on your relationship, family life, and parenting.
[07:24] Michelle Purta: Like when we go on a girls trip and come back refreshed, missing our kids and husbands — it’s the same with nurturing your marriage. It helps communication, family life, and the marriage you signed up for (“till death do us part”) go better.
[07:50] Hannah Morgan: I love that. There’s so much expectation around big dates “fixing” things, but if you haven’t fostered connection daily, it feels like hanging out with a stranger. You have to connect every day realistically to foster connection regularly or you’ll just be holding your breath waiting for something that might never happen.
[08:16] Hannah Morgan: Shout out to love languages — definitely a game changer. I know there’s some pushback out there, but I think it’s really helpful for understanding yourself and how that compares to how your partner receives and shares love.
[08:27] Hannah Morgan: Thank you, Michelle, for talking about this really important stuff. I hope everybody benefits from it. I appreciate it.
[08:34] Michelle Purta: Thank you so much. Thanks for having me.
[08:35] Hannah Morgan: Thanks for listening to De-Stress the Nest — the podcast where experts share bite-sized tips on how to simplify your life. Don’t forget to subscribe and tune in every Tuesday for more ways to make home feel easier.
